Hi. My name is Phil
Baker, and I can be a bit of a jerk. My wife, Stephanie, on the other hand, is
an amazing woman. I knew she was a wonderful woman of God before we were
married, but it’s been over the roughly eight years we’ve been married that
I’ve realized how truly amazing she is. Interestingly for me, this increasing
awareness of the blessing I have in Stephanie has coincided with an increasing
awareness of how much of a jerk I can be.
It started on our honeymoon. About five days into our
adventure in Costa Rica, we came to the city of Arenal, where one can view a
breathtakingly beautiful volcano and go on a zip-line through the rainforest.
Being that Arenal is in a rainforest, there are several different types of
primates wandering around that one would usually only be able to see firsthand
at the zoo.
Now, you must know that we were married in the winter, and
basketball season takes place during the thick of wintertime. I possess a
slight addiction for all things NBA and especially the Houston Rockets, so
being away from Internet access and American television for a few days during
the season was sending me into the beginning stages of withdrawal. I know. I
have a problem. You should pray for me.
Unfortunately, it gets worse. The first morning after
breakfast, we were made aware that there were two computers in the main lobby
that would be able to connect to the Internet. I was ecstatic! My prayers had
been answered! Stephanie, not possessing the same perspective of God’s
benevolence, went outside with a few other travelers to look at the scenery.
After about fifteen minutes she hurried back inside, telling
me there were howler monkeys in a tree a few yards away. She implored me to
come outside and share that special moment with her. I assured her I would only
be a few more minutes with Yao Ming and the Rockets, so she went back outside
without me.
An additional fifteen minutes later, after the howler
monkeys had disappeared into the forest, she dejectedly walked back in the
lobby and found me still immersed in the nba.com website. And that, ladies and
gentlemen, is how you make your brand-new bride cry on your honeymoon. I
thought I messed up because I chose basketball over howler monkeys; she had to
explain to me that I chose basketball over her.
I’ve found that marriage is often like having to take a
prolonged, hard look in the mirror when you’ve just gotten up one morning
hung-over, bloated, with bloodshot eyes and have nothing to fix yourself up
with. Though some singles have done the hard work to develop remarkable
self-awareness, being married forces us to confront dark, ugly truths about our
character that, as single folks, we often spend a lot of time, money, and
energy covering up and avoiding.
In the honeymoon phase of marriage we put our best foot
forward and see each other through rose-colored glasses. However, suddenly the
reality phase bursts on the scene, many expectations are proven fantasies,
spouses’ true natures are revealed, and conflicts ensue. The reality phase is
the stage in marriage when the majority of affairs and divorces occur.1
I believe one of the foundational reasons behind this heartbreaking fact is
that during these years we come to see ourselves in an unfamiliar light that is
at times overwhelming. Then, instead of doing the hard work of self-examination
and repentance, we cast the spotlight onto our spouse, make him or her the
villain, and look for a way out.
This same pattern began to rear its ugly head in me during
the beginning of the reality phase of my relationship with Stephanie. I never
considered having an affair or getting a divorce, but if my Savior had not
mercifully intervened, I don’t want to think what could have happened. In this
window of time, Stephanie saw my inner-ugliness in ways no one else probably
ever will. I’m so glad she loves Jesus more than she loves me, because it’s her
love for Jesus that caused her to continue loving this jerk.
One excruciatingly painful, but good thing, that Jesus began
to show me during the reality phase was that I had entered marriage with a
single-Phil mindset in many respects. I wanted to eat what I wanted to eat,
when I wanted to eat it, without being questioned. I wanted to spend money how
I wanted to spend money, when I wanted to spend money, without being
questioned. I wanted to go wherever I wanted to go whenever I wanted to go
there. I wanted to drive how I wanted to drive, watch what I wanted to watch,
and listen to what I wanted to listen to at the volume I so desired (which, by
the way, may be the reason my hearing has worsened over the last decade).
Without realizing it, I was trying to be married and single
at the same time. I know that may sound like an awesome concept to some of you
out there, but allow me to fill you in on a little secret: It doesn’t work.
Never will. What it produces is chaos. Mass-marital chaos. God began to show me
again and again that if I wanted my marriage to be everything it is designed to
be, single-Phil had to die.
Single-Phil didn’t
like hearing that at all. He put up quite a fight. In fact, I’ve realized that
I’ve got to kill him every day for this to work, so that’s something I’d love
for you to pray for me about. And pray for Stephanie too, so that she will
continue abiding in the Vine of Christ and manifest much fruit of patience
toward the jerk she’s married to.
This lesson about marriage is quite similar to an analogy
Jesus told concerning how we are to receive Him and His teaching. He said in Matthew
9:16-17, “But no one
puts a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; for the patch pulls away from
the garment, and a worse tear results. Nor
do people put new wine into old
wineskins; otherwise the wineskins burst, and the wine pours out and the
wineskins are ruined; but they put new wine into fresh wineskins, and both are
preserved.”
This is a book about
Jesus and how His new wine systematically burst many of my old wineskins that I
entered Christianity with, and also how He graciously helped me find new
wineskins to receive Him correctly and live victoriously. Part one will cover
the person and teaching of Jesus. Part two will pertain to the Holy Spirit and
spiritual warfare. Part three will deal with how Jesus helps us to better
understand the Old Testament. So, as you read this book, may you receive the
new wine of Jesus Christ with new wineskins. And as you do, may the God of hope
fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in Him so that you will overflow
with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
